I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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