I wish I could punch you in the face.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
