Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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