i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
