my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
