time to smoke my breakfast
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
