I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
