I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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