i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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