How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
