Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
