My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
