I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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