cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Randomize
