suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
