if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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