FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize