so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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