We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
