It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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