haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize