How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
