I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
