It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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