You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
