a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Come share oat with me in your robe
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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