I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
