i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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