Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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