I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
