I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
