The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
