he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
