Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He? As in you personified your dick?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
