walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
