i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
