I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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