I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
