No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
