Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
