he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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