Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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