shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
