so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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