Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
