Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
false alarm, still single
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