I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
