i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize