found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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