Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
