I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
