just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize