I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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