Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
