Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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