She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
