He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
