you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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