recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize