If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
