my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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