Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
