You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
