So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Come on in and take your pants off
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