You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
