I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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