He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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