btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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