Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
