you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
