you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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