I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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