I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
