Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
