well you can't waste a boner
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
