You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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