i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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