There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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