Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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