I wish I could punch you in the face.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
