Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
