I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't deserve a penis
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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