then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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