I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
