You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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