Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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