If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
