May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
