When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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