I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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