We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
