is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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