If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
