Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How does one acquire holy water?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
