I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
