forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
